Feeling Low

My very fantastic brother just told me that a lot of my friends msn me when he was using the internet cos the default user for the msn is mine, so once he click on the programme, it will immediately connect with me as the user.. Best man.. just when i thought my friends have forgotten about me, actually they have not forgotten me after all..

Just finished a set of jewellery hand made by myself: a pair of earrings, a bracelet and a neckalace.. The theme for the it was purple... looked quite nice.. but i just realised i have this problem, i don't think i have the clothes to match it, tough man.. Not cheap man this set of beads, cost me $30 man, with all the beads, wires and stuff. But i think its worth it, cos the design is solely mine cos it was mix and matched by me.. just took a photo of the set, take a look... :)

Was sitting in front of the TV watching 2 Fast 2 Furious just now till my brother went to sleep... Left me and my beads to hang out till late tonight.. Kind of sian, asking myself why am i home on a saturday night. I've never been a home person and seriously, going home early for the past few weeks has been kinda of torturous for me cos after all the TV, phonecalls, etc i'm still wide awake like now feeling kinda of out of place being at home on friday nights and saturday nights..

My friends have always asked me why am i always looking for friends to hang out on saturdays and always out till very late.. Well i think i know why, probably not many of my friends know this but i tend to think a lot when i'm alone, things that i normally won't think about, think about worrying things, think about the future, think about matters, issues, relationships with pple, things, basically everything under the sun.. The thing that i think about the most is (don't know if its common), will anyone notice if i suddenly disappear in any sort of form, i always wondered why am i here. I've never been able to sort out what am i here for... Terrible right? i'm already 25 and am still thinking about this.. But this is what pops out the most when i'm alone.. and i don't like to think about it.. I want to be the carefree, trouble free kind of soul.. kinda of hard when i think so much right? some friends find it surprising that i'm actually quite sensitive cos i just don't seem to be the kind.. But the fact is that i am cos i think too much.. so in order not to think so much, i try to make myself occupied to the fullest and making myself tired so that i won't think about so many things.. i cannot control it at all, it seems as if i don't have control over my thinking at all...

I think after almost one month of no late nights for drinks, clubbing etc, i think going home early is not really a good option for me... oh well, see how.. i've contemplated several occasions whether to go alone, but nah don't think i'm able to do that.. oh well... so much for thinking about it... :)