Sleepy day

I'm at the office now and i'm so sleepy! slept at 5am this morning cos was msning with chris. i told him that i didn't like his remarks during dinner and i was quite affected by it lah... i cannot help it lah, i guess it was a tigger point. Was tearing and messaging with him over the msn, if i had a camera to take down what i look like yesterday while typing, i would have thought i look pathetic, crying at the computer. can't help it lah, am upset with a lot of things, pent up angry, disappointments and accumulated insecurities really din help i guess. But now after a good cry and letting him know i was upset about it made me feel better. there was obvious nothing he can do about it but it was a matter of making it known rather than keeping it. i mean you cannot take words back so there's nothing one can do if you said somethings. just remember to treat that person with a little bit more concern for the time being, i think its fine... girls being girls, we're not really into what you wan in the end but more into the process of getting there. so wasn't able to answer when he said, "i already said sorry, what do you want me to do about it." he also mentioned about guohui, telling me that two of us need to really sit down adn talk, but its not so easy, even if i want to talk about it, the other party have to open up too and also able to take my remarks.. am quitge blunt so kinda of worried that it won't out well and guohui will say: there's nothing to talk about what cos there is nothing wrong. well, what seems dysfunctional to others maybe its a functional environment for others. anyway will cross the bridge when i come to it. sorry lah friend, your silly friend here is just quite easily upset these days, will remember to try not to be sensitive. maybe ya right, i do need a very long and good break to recover. but where to get the $$?

Am quite stressed over work, and to be frank i think i am burned out already. All the moving around, my bosses not giving me a definite status at work, which club i actually belong to is really making me upset. I've already told them of it but i think maybe its not taken seriously and the hidden meanings in the conversations with my bosses are giving me negative vibes. sick and tired of being pushed around like a piece of item and looking for the most convenient to place me even if i am not in the same category with the rest of the items on the shelf. i want to be able to what i like. i was doing very well before they changed my status, was doing all the projects, outsourcing to other VWOs about the potential projects we can embark on. now its just not possible anymore, get what i mean?

was talking to fidah easlier on and both of us agree that we cannot do without each other when it comes to networking with outside correspondence cos no one in team is actually interested in doing this. and seriously thinking, the rest are not interested at all. just happy doing their own things for the club. very little collaborations and outings out together anymore. so sad. oh well i don't like it, but there's nothing i can do about it. maybe being a social work graduate or a community service dip grad have our own ideas cos we wan to benefit the society. and not just do our own things.

*yawn* time to go rest.. so sleepy, hopefully i won't doze off on the chair... which i did on thurs when i was at the office. fell asleep when i was sitting and facing my labtop. i was and still am tired like mad... need a good and full of quality sleep.. :)