Messed UP week... demoralised and depressed...

This is a super demoralising week.... got scolded by my GM, screwed some stuff, bad typing, careless mistakes, etc...

However, the most disappointing part is that my GM still assumes that i am just sitting at my desk doing NOTHING... assumed that i knew nothing except sitting at my desk and idling away... I cannot believe it... i really cannot believe it... my DGM told me.. you must know how to smartly engineer your meetings and keep him in the loop... then he will know that you are actually doing something and not what he assumes... sooo sooo sooo sad... depressed man... i didn't tell anyone... cos i doubt anyone would believe me... confidence dropping... how to build confidence? i have lost all confidence and not sure of my directions anymore...

I really want to show GM that i can do it.. and i don't want to keep getting my Boss into trouble! that feeling sucks ya know... and honestly, i dun know why, but i have very sense of correcting mistakes!! very very careless in my adminstrative work... probably, i am not suited for this type job, cos of the many many restrictions and layers to pass through.. to arrange one stupid meeting can cause me about half a day, just trying to get everyone's dates together... very disgusting... it is amazing how the word of one STUPID person can get you into trouble.. and how the TOP TOP people are when it comes to this matter... The bosses can never agree... one provided me with the vetting and the other says, this is not what she wants to see in the content... what the FISH...

I am very tired with trying to juggle the political part of the work... hate it.. absolutely hate it.. the many many layers.. you cannot do what you feel or think its right...you have to take in all the political portions, break it down.. you cannot offend anyone etc.. this really makes life very difficult... the days at the club were so much more fun... lesser ADULTS.. but much more fun... cos you have more autonomy and rights to decide... right now... i cannot make any decisions.. everything also have to ask boss.. if the decision is wrong, they won't protect me.. but if i check with them and the decision is made late, they will blame me... they get upset with me... cry cry cry.... tell me i should learn to proritise.. however, i dun even get any breaks as in any blocks or even pockets of time to do some administrative work... how to do?

I think i have shed more tears the whole of this week compared to the whole of last year... seldom so upset... sighhhhh... i really need a shoulder now...