An email from her.... the one who tossed my emotions around the whole week... evven till today...

Thanks for your numerous advices. It's nice of you to leave messages after
messages telling me what to do through emails or even my blog. After a
relaxing weekend thinking through, maybe you are right in some ways.
Maybe it's time to finally let go. But I will continue to hate him because
that is the only way I can forget about him. And nobody can stop me from
doing so. I also duno why I became so suspicious and having all these weird
thoughts going through my mind. After consulting a doctor on Sat, thank
goodness I am not crazy yet. Just very stressed. Contrary to what you
believe, it should be ME thinking that you guys are the ones trying to take
sides and gang up. That's how I am feeling all along. And do you know that?
Have you ever stop and think about it? Cos from the start til now, you
guys' actions are all opposite to what your are telling me. And maybe
that's why I start becoming so angry. I felt cheated. Being or feeling
cheated by friends is worst than being cheated in a relationship. Plus,
have you ever been in my shoes before?? What makes you so certain you
understand what I am going through?? It's always easy to comment and advice
people. But when it comes to really doing it, I am sure you know how tough
it can be too.
Well, yes, I should thank you for being so concerned when you were
holidaying overseas. You (and the rest) did shower me with alot of concern.
I do appreciate the times spent with you guys. But what really happened, I
guess I am the only one who really knows. You guys also said it will take
time for me to get out of this. If you expect me to snap out of this so
soon, and pretend that nothing happened, well, then what's the use of
telling me time will heal?? If someone can snap out of this so soon,
doesn't it show that he or she does not even love that person in the first
place? And yes, he don't love me at all in the first place and hence he can
move on so easily. Or maybe it's in the guy's genes bah? haiz
But you know what? I still have feelings for him okay. Do you know that
even? I can say all these nasty things just to justify myself to hate him
to forget him to give me a reason to move on.
And I shall say this again: people in this office all very smart and older
than me. I don't have the power of influence to tell them what to do. They
have their own eyes and judgement, same as you. I don't have to go around
asking people to take sides. If they want to pity, or side with anyone, or
say whatever or think whatever, it's purely up to them. Unless you assume
everyone here, or rather, those who know about this, are not as smart? If I
can manipulate people so well, I won't even have to go through all these
shit in the first place =( Like you are wise enough to avoid it so you
don't have to go through it.
I am well aware that what I say or think is hurting but to me it's the only
outlet and way to force myself to move on. Like what the doctor said, my
unhealthy way of combatting stress bah. And I need a drastic end to it all!
I duno how long I can even survive in this place when everything now is
stil so raw to me. I don't think I can even talk to your without thinking
of him. And that's why I chose to see everything in the ugly light so as to
make myself forget. I really don't know what else to do.
But dun worry. of cos I will force myself to step out of this soon. I need
to. Maybe for now just you can just ignore me. Even typing this to you can
make me cry. That is all I want to say about this.